British Columbia’s sea wolves have officially entered their criminal era, after researchers filmed them pulling off crab-trap heists with the smooth efficiency of marine pickpockets.
In the footage, a wolf casually swims out to a buoy, drags it ashore, and reels in the crab trap like she’s collecting overtime pay. Scientists say this may be the first recorded tool use by wolves; fishermen say it’s the last shred of their dignity being ripped away by something with wet fur.
Worse, a second wolf has been caught doing the exact same thing, confirming this is a coordinated operation and not just one overachieving wolf who watched too many nature documentaries.
Authorities describe the situation as “a daily chess match,” though sources clarify the wolves are grandmasters while the humans “are chewing on the pieces.”
Attempts to outsmart the wolves have all failed, including heavier traps, thicker ropes, and politely asking them to stop.
At this rate, experts warn wolves may soon demand fishing licenses, union benefits, or simply full control of the coastline.
For now, the sea wolves remain undefeated.
The humans remain embarrassed.