California Governor Gavin Newsom has pivoted from politics to product development, unveiling a signature line of knee pads specifically designed for corporate executives and world leaders who have discovered their true calling is bowing before Donald Trump.
The "Trump Signature Series" knee pads are already flying off the shelves, with the first batch selling out faster than CEOs abandoned their principles after the 2024 election.
"We identified a gap in the market," Newsom told a bemused crowd at the World Economic Forum. "These Fortune 500 leaders were wearing out their pants, destroying their kneecaps, all in the name of fealty. We're simply providing an ergonomic solution to modern sycophancy."
The knee pads, available in "Republican Red" and "Complicity Crimson," come equipped with built-in GPS tracking so users can always find the nearest Trump property to genuflect toward.
"I've never been more productive," said one anonymous tech CEO who test-drove the pads. "I used to waste so much time standing upright with a spine. Now I can grovel for hours without discomfort."
When asked about criticism of the stunt, Newsom responded: "You know what's unbecoming? Rolling over for authoritarianism. I'm holding up a mirror here."
The knee pads retail for "the low, low price of your soul" with proceeds going to the "Campaign for Democracy," which Newsom insists is "definitely a real thing and not just a way to troll people while raising money."
Early sales data suggests the pads are particularly popular among law firm partners, university boards, and anyone who's had to explain why they suddenly love the idea of eliminating the Department of Education.
Sources close to the governor say he's already considering a companion product line: spinal implants for those who've misplaced theirs.