President Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner and envoy Steve Witkoff have unveiled "Project Sunrise," an ambitious $112 billion plan to transform Gaza into what they're calling "Dubai, but with more unexploded ordnance."
The 32-page PowerPoint presentation was developed over 45 days - roughly the same time it takes to plan a destination wedding, but with slightly higher stakes.
"We looked at Gaza and saw potential," said a Trump administration official. "Sure, there's 68 million tons of rubble. But that's already demolished! We're starting with a clean slate. A slate buried under 10,000 bodies, but still."
The plan outlines luxury beachfront hotels, high-speed rail, and AI-optimized smart grids. By year 10, Gaza could generate over $55 billion in returns, according to a chart with an arrow going up and to the right. The U.S. would commit $60 billion, with Gulf states pitching in the rest.
There's one minor caveat, helpfully highlighted in bold red on page two: Hamas must "demilitarize and decommission all weapons and tunnels."
"It's really just a formality," insisted one official. "We're confident they'll be on board once they see our mock-ups of the infinity pools."
When reminded that Hamas has explicitly rejected this condition, making the entire plan impossible, the official responded: "Have you seen our renderings though? They're really nice."
The plan does not specify where Gaza's 2 million displaced residents would live during reconstruction, though it mentions "temporary shelters," which sounds delightful and not at all like an afterthought. It also glosses over who would clear millions of tons of rubble mixed with unexploded ordnance.
Steven Cook of the Council on Foreign Relations offered a succinct assessment: "Nothing happens until Hamas disarms. Hamas will not disarm, so nothing will happen."
Project architects reportedly responded by advancing to the next PowerPoint slide, which features a beachside promenade and what appears to be a Cheesecake Factory.
"Look, we're dreamers," said another official. "Is this realistic? Maybe not. Does it require Hamas to surrender everything? Yes. But did you see the slide with the smart city concept? It has a monorail."
As of press time, several babies had frozen to death in Gaza while officials continued discussing optimal penthouse placement.