Following the dramatic rescue of a 6,800-pound stainless-steel refrigerator from the bottom of a Texas lake, Tesla CEO Elon Musk took to social media to clarify that the vehicle's heavily marketed "Wade Mode" functioned precisely as engineered. The geometric behemoth, which looks less like a vehicle and more like a low-polygon rendering of a polygon that gave up midway through, apparently learned the hard way that heavy, angular objects composed of dense metal do not naturally share the buoyant properties of a mallard.
Witnesses at the scene reported that the trouble began when a local tech enthusiast decided to test the limits of his new electric truck by driving it straight down a boat ramp into the water. Instead of cutting through the waves like a futuristic jet ski as advertised in various hype-inducing promotional videos, the Cybertruck immediately adopted the hydrodynamic profile of an anvil. It drifted briefly for a fraction of a second before plunging straight to the murky floor of the lake, with its hazard lights blinking cheerfully through the green algae.
Musk was quick to defend the vehicle’s amphibious shortcomings, explaining to his millions of followers that critics simply failed to understand the nuances of Tesla's design philosophy. "The Cybertruck is temporarily a boat, provided your definition of a boat is 'an anchor that plays Joe Rogan podcasts' or a submarine that lacks a steering mechanism," the billionaire posted. He further elaborated that the vehicle had successfully achieved its primary objective of looking incredibly edgy while fully submerged under twelve feet of fresh water.
Local marine biologists have already reported that the sunken vehicle has been enthusiastically claimed by the lake’s native catfish population. The whiskered bottom-feeders are reportedly utilizing the truck’s notoriously sharp, unaligned stainless-steel panel gaps to precisely slice up their prey, effectively turning the vehicle into the world’s most expensive underwater deli counter. Additionally, the truck's lithium-ion battery pack is reportedly providing a gentle, ambient warmth to the surrounding mud, which local turtles have praised as an upscale luxury spa upgrade.
Emergency crews spent over four hours attempting to retrieve the brutalist landmark from the lakebed, a process made significantly more difficult by the vehicle’s lack of traditional tow points and its stubborn refusal to acknowledge the physical laws of buoyancy. Tow truck drivers complained that every time they managed to hook onto the chassis, the vehicle’s automated security system would interpret the rescue attempt as a hostile carjacking and lock the brakes.
The driver, who managed to escape through a window just before the electronics short-circuited, expressed immense relief that the vehicle’s experimental biometric locks didn’t permanently seal him inside his own dystopian aquarium. He remains an enthusiastic brand loyalist, however, confirming to reporters that he has already put down a deposit on a replacement Cybertruck, which he intends to test in an active volcano to see if the cyber-alloy can successfully "wade" through liquid magma.