After 20 years and countless delays, the Department of Homeland Security has admitted what everyone suspected: the REAL ID they spent two decades forcing on Americans doesn't actually work.
In a December court filing, DHS official Philip Lavoie casually mentioned that REAL ID—the federally mandated identification requiring extensive proof of citizenship to obtain—is "unreliable to confirm U.S. citizenship." The agency that certifies REAL IDs has determined that REAL IDs cannot be trusted. It's like the FDA warning people not to eat food.
The revelation came in a lawsuit involving Leo Garcia Venegas, a U.S. citizen and Alabama construction worker who was detained twice by masked federal immigration officers despite showing his Alabama REAL ID both times. Agents looked at his government-certified proof of citizenship and basically said, "Yeah, but do you have anything real?"
Venegas was kept handcuffed for an hour the first time while officers verified he was exactly who his government-issued ID said he was. The second detention took only 20-30 minutes, suggesting either the officers learned to type faster or Venegas had developed Stockholm syndrome.
DHS explained that states have their own REAL ID rules, which "may provide for the issuance of a REAL ID to an alien," making the IDs unreliable. In other words, the federal standards they created and certified might not meet federal standards. It's the bureaucratic equivalent of a chef declaring his own recipe inedible.
To obtain a REAL ID, citizens must provide documents proving their identity, Social Security number, and residence. They then receive a card with a star on it, which federal agents may or may not believe is real, depending on how they're feeling that day.
When asked why Venegas was targeted despite being a citizen, DHS insisted people are targeted for immigration enforcement based on illegal status, "NOT their skin color, race, or ethnicity." The agency did not explain how officers determined Venegas was illegally present without checking his ID first, leading experts to conclude DHS has either developed psychic abilities or is lying.
DHS further clarified that REAL IDs "are not immigration documents." This raises the question of what exactly a REAL ID proves. Current theories include: nothing, vibes only, and "we spent 20 years on this and we're not admitting it was pointless."
The Institute for Justice, representing Venegas, pointed out the logical pretzel DHS has tied itself into: "DHS is the very agency responsible for certifying that REAL IDs satisfy this requirement." It's the governmental version of building a bridge, charging tolls to cross it, then declaring the bridge unsafe and detaining anyone who tries to use it.
When pressed about the contradiction, DHS did not respond, presumably because they were busy designing REAL ID 2.0, which will require a retinal scan, three references, and a handwritten essay explaining why you deserve to be American.
At press time, DHS announced plans for REAL REAL ID, which will be required starting in 2045 and will definitely work this time, they promise.