In a bold move that has environmentalists cheering and sushi enthusiasts weeping into their California rolls, South Australia became the first place on Earth to ban the iconic fish-shaped soy sauce packets that have terrorized marine ecosystems for decades with their adorable plastic menace.
The groundbreaking legislation, which took effect September 1st, specifically targets containers holding less than 30ml of soy sauce, because apparently the government has conducted extensive research on the exact volume at which condiment containers become environmentally acceptable. Larger bottles remain legal, suggesting that pollution is simply a matter of scale.
"These tiny plastic fish have been swimming in our landfills for far too long," declared Environment Minister Susan Green-Warrior while holding up a microscopic soy sauce fish like it was evidence in a murder trial. "Every time someone squeezes one of these adorable little packets, a real fish somewhere dies of shame."
The ban has sent shockwaves through South Australia's sushi industry, where restaurant owners are frantically searching for alternative ways to deliver small amounts of soy sauce without violating state law. Several establishments have reportedly hired full-time soy sauce pourers, while others are experimenting with tiny glass bottles that cost more than the sushi itself.
"This is devastating," sobbed local sushi chef Takeshi Fishless while staring at boxes of now-illegal condiment containers. "How am I supposed to serve authentic Japanese cuisine without the sacred fish? It's like asking me to make sushi without rice, or democracy without plastic packaging."
The plastic industry has denounced the ban as "discriminatory against fish-shaped objects," with some manufacturers threatening to relocate their tiny condiment fish production to less environmentally conscious states. "This is clearly speciesism," complained Bob Plastic-Face from the International Association of Small Container Manufacturers. "Why target fish? What did fish-shaped packaging ever do to hurt anyone besides exist in massive quantities and never biodegrade?"
Environmentalists are celebrating the victory while simultaneously acknowledging that banning tiny soy sauce fish probably won't save the planet but will definitely make them feel better about ordering takeout. "Every small step counts," explained activist Sarah Save-The-Whales while photographing herself disposing of illegal condiment packets. "Sure, cargo ships and industrial pollution might be slightly bigger problems, but at least we've solved the soy sauce fish crisis."
Local black market dealers report a surge in demand for contraband condiment fish, with some packets selling for up to $5 each on the underground sauce economy. Police have issued warnings about "soy sauce speakeasies" operating in basements throughout Adelaide, where customers whisper secret passwords like "wasabi" to gain access to illegal tiny plastic containers.
The ban is part of South Australia's broader war on single-use plastics, which has already eliminated plastic straws, forcing residents to drink through biodegradable alternatives that dissolve halfway through their beverage. Next on the government's hit list: those little plastic containers that hold ketchup, which officials describe as "condiment fish's equally evil cousin."